Community Property

In the hallway near the showers sits our community computer. It is a fine device; however, it is in a hallway. There is no privacy. Why am I on it? My lovely little laptop died last night. My little black plastic and metal box overheated and shut down. At the end of a long day, it was enough for me to tense, sigh, and then slam the lid shut in frustration.

My little black plastic and metal box has amnesia. It doesn't remember who it is, and I don't know how to reach it. I went to bed last night thinking that my world had, to a degree, ended. No internet access, no ability to write in my own space, no way to reach my papers locked inside of it, no peace of mind of being able to connect with friends and family.

I went to bed in a funk and woke up a little less funky. With a clearer head, I made my way to the community computer to alert friends and family that I could be less in touch with them as a result of my mishap. As I did this, I saw Jane rush past me with a worried look on her face and her phone in her hand. Moments later, I found out why.

Through the door to my left, near the showers and our community computer, I heard someone's heart wripped from their chest. I heard a girl, Jane's friend, to whom I had never been introduced (but who probably overheard my "hallway tantrum" yesterday as a means of introduction to me) find out that her sister was torn from this world and into another.

My little black plastic and metal box didn't seem so important.

As I sit here tonight and hear other people's little plastic and metal boxes of various colors musically come to life in rooms down the hall from the showers, I am sad and angry with myself. I pushed my little black plastic and metal box too hard. I broke it. I am ashamed of my actions and of my reactions. I viewed my loss as a tragedy, but really it is an inconvenience.

Today reminded me, again (always again, because it is so easy to forget) how lucky I am. How terribly priviledged me and my perspective are, and how terribly close to me awful things orbit -- but rarely collide.