Unnatural Existence

Dorm life offends nature. One should neither live with one's co-workers -- unless you're a convict working in a chaingang (then you should be living with your co-workers IN PRISON) -- nor should one live with their classmates (even in college, my roommate was a different major than me). It is just wierd to spend almost the entirety of your day with the same small number of faces with whom you work. This collapsed existence does not lead to healthy behavior.

I have had a rough week the past week. No particular reason, just poor management of stress -- a lot of it having to do with the inability to get out and do my own thing. My "personal space" has been affected because I've had the privilege of spending almost every night of the past 2.5 weeks at the theater. This might sound like pleasure to many, but its not. As my cinema teacher commented this morning, "we are not average viewers; we don't watch for simple pleasure." So, rather than being a gift, nights to the theater can easily become a burden -- depriving me of psychologically healthy free time.



This lack of pleasure at the theater, coupled with not having my own space, has just put me not-at-ease. Everything is theater. I'm eating, breathing, living theater -- by assignment. Even this blog, an activity many do for pleasure, is an assignment. It's frustrating; however, such frustrations constitute the graduate student's life, I suppose.

The good thing is that unlike a chaingang, I'm not hauling bricks. My current situation is a phenomenal one, and one of which I am both proud and grateful. It's toll, though, is slight. It is a cumulative burden that slowly causes my temper and emotions to be not where I want them to be; thus, I'm not responding in the ways I like. My thoughts are not as elastic, my brain is becoming less responsive. I suppose that through this altered (and constant) use, it's only natural that they, like pencils, become duller.